Saturday, June 25, 2011

How to get a girl?

Well people!..I'm finally back with a new post!..Like finally!!..And today's post are for guys on how to get freaking girls..So for those who don't have the confidence,the one's that hide in their closet like a week and go to school with a paper back when a girl just like said 'hi' to them or the usual 'sweaty armpits' ;)...Then follow this tips to be a chick magnate and be on your way to getting that coveted title 'douche' ;)

Alright number 1 tip,always talk with your mouth full in front of a girl..Oh yes!..Your parents were wrong with that whole 'Eat with your mouth close,it's rude talking with your mouth open'..Those were the 60s..Now it's the 21st century...Girls have changed...Yes,girls think talking with your mouth full is hot!..Seeing all those scrumptous crumbs being digested by the enzymes ;)

Second tip is,Always...And i mean Always!!! compliment a girl's 'assets'...It makes her feel noticed and proud if guys compliment on their assets..Cause seriously..Why would they go through all that trouble fitting into those small clothes with their big tummy in their way?..It's not worth going through all those trouble...Give it a touch or two for extra kick ;)

Third tip is simple,give her what i normally call 'the pedo eyes'..The trick is very simple...Just look at her and give here your best sexy smile and elevate your Eyebrow(either side acceptable) and your on your way to getting a slushie in your face..That's a way of showing you that she's fan of glee ;)

Fourth tip is the simplest of them all..THE CRYING TRICK...All you need is an area full of girls and a great amount of onions and bam...You will be getting girls all over you!..wasn't that just simple? ^^

That's all for now people...Follow this tips and be on your way to getting the girls of your dreams :D

Monday, March 28, 2011

Just the way you are!

Hmm don't mind the title as i Think that's just crap!..Nobody likes a person as they are this days?..Like come on!..Which century is Bruno Mars from?..Well maybe the medieval age probably it was possible..But well for me..That's all gone now baby!..So here's a tip to overcome this problem..RULE NUMBER 1 AND ONLY RULE!...This isn't laughing matter so don't laugh cause my eyes are everywhere...Yeah!..So don;t mess with me yo!...Anyway back to where i was suppose to be..THE 5 C'S!..Yes the 5C's is an important step you have to take to attract your love...Babe..Doll..Hunny bunch...Flower bunch...Woody..And also supposedly pet names(Which is just so suckish)...Alright the 1st C!...That is a car!..Yeah a car,Like come on..Whoever takes the bus this days?..It's tiring,Uncool,lame and makes you skin all..Like how girls say 'EWWWIEEEE!!!'(Terms only available in hot countries like Malaysia And Singapore)..2nd C Is Condominium..I don't know who's stupid enough to choose a condo instead of house but yeah a condominium where all those lovely quarreling and nagging happens(Been there!)..The stuff magic happens!!..And speaking about magic and condo...The 3rd C would definitely need those two big big 'words'...Well this is considered unrated and i might be ban if my parents do ever see this But here goes...*deep breath*...CONDOM!!...There i said it!..Time to privatize this blog now :p...In this world of overpopulation,this rubberish thingy is definitely an Essential item for those In China(One child Policy) And Singapore where I don't think Kids barely see their parents :P who are in need of having some mega awesome time!..BOOYAH!!..Alright before this turns into a sex topic..NEXT!...Fourth c Is cash..I like to refer to the asian term 'No money No talk'...Yeah money makes the world go around and if you don't have it..Just -censored- OFF!..I don't have time for you!..You got nothing on you..Tsk tsk tsk..Oh how i miss the days Seashells and barter system was in use :P..Guys those days..Damn lucky! :P...And the very last C To end my super boring post today is a career...This days the jobs like doctors and Engineers are like how should i say this 'Chick magnets'..Just say the magic word and boom!..You very well have someone to have a drink with you to end the night(You might have to pay though)..So yeah kids!..Jobs are important this days!..Is not what you enjoy but what you need to get into someone's pants this days..So kids,the moral of the story?..We are all Bit*****!!! Muahahahahahahaha

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Trip to war Musuem with school!

Well back again and this tim going to write something that was rather Cool...Yeah i know you all know where i'm taking this and if you still don't...I got one thing to brand you people...Poop ;)...As in liverpool=LivetoPoop...XDDD...Alright anyway i'm getting to excited with this crap and now going to the main topic.Anyway i reached school at about 7:10 Am?...yeah somewhere there and after getting of my ride and glaring at those amazing girls all chatting and sitting so sexily at the canteen i went on to class and as usual the person holding the key to the class wasn't there..But guess what?...Some thug in class broke the screw and bam no need key anymore!..And then i went to sleep for awhile(That's my daily routine in the morning at school)..And i was awaken by those group of girls that normally come into class and make havoc as if it's a damn party going to be held..Like come on?...Isn't school like a place to sleep?...geez wonder where they learn the meaning of school.

So i went back to sleep after asking them to shut up!...And before even i got another 5 minutes the speaker when on and said all go down to the canteen to get ready for the trip..And there i went,Walking so awesomely and seductively(Haha no one can match muah)..And yeah i reached the canteen,Got myself that fudge bun and stuffed it into my bag as if I'm smuggling it.And yeah so teacher counted,88 students all together.Don't worry we didn't 'rub' each other on the bus,There were two buses one for girls and the other for us awesome guys...hmm how wonderful it would be if i was allowed into the bus full of girls?...hmm i would be a playa for 30 full minutes..Alright imaginative to much.Or maybe i could dress like a girl?...oh it wouldn't work,I'm just to manly!...And yes kanyaw(Singaporean homie) I'm a dude!

And after the long wait,the freaking bus driver finally sped of and there started our trip,it was a quiet trip with me just putting on my headphones and rocking to the songs in my head..Didn't see much while we were going...So leave that alone,30 minutes pass and finally oh finally we reach the place!...It looked like a freaking abandoned area...I was so frightened..i though i was set up and going to get rape or something but it what a relieved as it was just the style of the place and nothing.How good of the driver to stop us right in front of the entrance,Bags were not allowed so we left it on the bus and took on foot...don't worry the only thing in my beg was a freaking bottle..;)...haha....so there we took off on this amazing trip of ours,We purchased our ticket and an indonesian dude was our guide...He wore some army gear and i though 'oh okay looks like somebody is out of fashion,i will forgive him'...but hmm he talked like he was modern..He made freaking jokes!...Which 19th century dude ever made jokes???!!!..He first took us to a tunnel which was made to dispose of bombing waste which was about 100 feet deep...And all that excitement for nothing as we were not aloud to climb into it...there were ladders but to dangerous!...oh come on!!!

Then we went to something like a collousuem and bam narnia came to my mind all over again..Apparently that's were the mini guns were stored to shoot down planes..And to the Offices and shooting room(The bullets mark are still there)..Yeah it' real people!...Must be haunted ;)...Later we were brought to some tunnel which lead to some rooms for ammunition?...gosh 88 people in a hot room?...It was like a freaking sauna,I think i lost a few pounds by just standing XD.And there we saw artifacts and stuff,and we were taken into a super small darky tunnel,You literally couldn't see a thing and i accidentally touched a girls butt lol...Good ridence she didn't realise it was me..Anyway no i didn't get perverted she's only 15?...i got my class ;).We finally got 0ut and into another room where we were led to a room where finally my all my dreams were finally made to meet...Another school came,And guess what?...it was an all chinese girls school!!! Well it was time to make a move on them but it wasn't to be,the guides made it such a way of the planning till we couldn't even see them at all!..And from there it got bored,I climbed up a 50 feet vertical ladder and got out of that hot room!...

I'm tired now,I will update later on this :)...alright Kanyaw?

Monday, September 13, 2010

Newly updated(Random) haha

So,Well...umm...Oh yeah! I got a girlfriend! Yes i know! And i think she's like the greatest in the world,She shuts up no matter what i say! I can see her everyday! And i mean EVERYDAY! And she looks beautiful especially with that 'nike' Type of tattoo on her body!..Her name is 'ball' Yes She plays with me everyday! No matter what time,And guess what.Even i leave her with some dudes on the field she doesn't seem to cheat on me! (Yeah i know i'm just to Irresistible)..But that on that very thursday she cheated on me! I was playing with her with some guys,She was rolling to me and i was about to kick her(Yeah she loves my kicks ;D)..

But somehow she turn the other way at the playground and i mis kick and fell right into an pothole!(yeah it was embarrasing)...I never felt so hurt in my life! Not only my leg got sprained!...But my heart broke into pieces!...So now,i can't play with her for a few weeks due to my leg.Although she says she's sorry but i don't know...Should i?..I will never forget that sad day *plays sad song*...To dramatic?


Yeah i know that was really really random! Haha sorry..To be true...I don't have a girl...Yeah i'm a loner! What?..get a girl at school?...Are you serious!...They are evil!...Haven't you even looked at their eyes?..*Shivers*..I've seen them pull out books from their bags!..And i think i even saw lip gloss,Mirrors And The much Dangerous tool..the 'comb'..I warn you guys! Never ever get near a girl's school bag! They can put thier hand in the bag and take it out with nothing..Turn it Upside down and bam A damn Bowling ball Rolls out of it!..So yeah i've Warn you Guys beware!

Anyway,We learned Science that day in school about reproduction!!*drools*..Oh sorry fantasying for a while there...I'M A PEDO AND PROUD OF IT! Haha take That Kanyaw! :P..And yes i'm a dude! = ='...Alright back to the topic,i don't about the girls but i think there were abit more excited that us perverted guys!They literally pulled all thier chairs up front of class as near as possible! Making no room for us guys at all!...Ooo...Dirty minded freaks after all eh? Damn,they make us pedo's look back! That's it! I'm going back to culinary school! :P


Oh yeah,have you ever had a problem with girls?...Well guess it's your lucky day if you read this! This is Brendan's Tips to getting a girl! ;)...Alright guys step 1,Whatever you do! Never act soft around them! Because they might like you but they might manipulate you! You know girls? Always trying to be higher rank then us guys who were born to be! *no offense girls* :P..Next if a girl ever hits you..Hit her back! Most guys thing they will like you for your 'gentlemaness'..But guess what? Not all do! Some like rough guys! ;) (Don't think negatively alright? :P)...Third is instead of getting them some flowers or those stuff you see in the movies,Get them some tissues..You know the weather here is really hot..Something which they will most of the day use...Trust me! I've seen girls that use it for the whole school period..Example?..my deskmate! XD...

Hmm,that's all the tips for now! Trust me guys! Follow this first few tips and you will be on your way to a chick magnet!...Oh yeah make sure you put perfume,Cause you guys can't be manly if you aren't..Only certain people like me can put it on~! So yeah put perfume and girls will finally understand your feminine side and girls will start to treat you like a girl and you will be a chick magnet!..See?..so easy! :D

I've made a song for the girl of my dreams by the way!...See this,
'Hey missy!..What are you doing?...Why you showing me all that cleavage when you got none?
I can take it no more But i think your just gross so i got only one thing to tell you!!!.....PLEASE PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!...I've already got my body to look at! I don't need another one! You look me in the eyes like some hooker,What you want from me? I'm just a kid and i don't have experience yet..So back off And 'PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON'...

Yeah that's still half of it..I suck at making songs so back off people! I'm still writing it! :p

Monday, July 19, 2010

Type of girls i have met!

So!!! After the first few weeks trying to Avoid getting the Koodies from girls(Alright i admit i tried to get close to them)...I Brendan! Have finally finished my research and the consequences were bad! I smell like a girl now! :O..lol NOT!

Well Alright back to the Topic! The first type of girls i did see where the one's that flirt with almost anyone...And yes it goes with the teachers too! And damn! Those teachers really get horny! You can't see it in their faces though...Serious buggers :P...I KNOW YOU SOME TEACHERS! no need to hide lo :)

Well,This this type of girls gross me out! Alright sometimes it doesn't ;)...But yeah! they got no respect for themselves! Get a life girls! I got one and It's awesome...I got a dog,My comp and i'm happy! See,I got a life :P *walks away*

And next we got the lovely Nerds and Geeks! I gotta admit! Some of them are Hot! *melts*/...Literally!...But i really get pissed off when they speak those Alien Language to me! SPEAK ENGLISH DAMMIT!...I remember one of them asked me 'what is 103-90+12(81)-46? What the heck is that?! Is that some new language or something?!!! *dies*

* resurrects*..Alright remembered i was Still writing...And we got the jocks! Yes those girls are my type *does googly eyes*..But it wasn't so *blush*...Those girls are Thick as wall! And they speak like guys...i think some even grow A moustache...Alright to much Info!..Move forward!! A tip for you guys like me! Never arm wrestle with them...Ever!...To risky ;)

And we got the shy one's...The one's which i think i got a shot with muahahahahahah...But i rather not! *zips mouth*..What are they thinking there in thier minds..!! They might be thinking of Raping me or something else to me...Better stay back *moves away*

And we got Missy Popular!...Hmm don't know what's so special about them!..No guys following them,No cares about them!...Oh wait! yes,their miss popular...Wannabees!..We don't have Missy popular's here...cause over here they are to modest...NOT!...It's because most guys are going for that miss hotty Miss tan! Oh yeah! Guys drool for her...But to bad she's getting married...WAKAKAKAKA...the pain they endured! Get her future hubby guys! Push him off ship or something! Hump is leg or something! Anything! :))))

Well that's all the girls so far i have found out of! Catch my next post soon! Enjoy!

Friday, July 16, 2010

School should be more in the future by now!











So,I'm back with another post...Alright don't we just hate having to sit down and listen to some old teacher talking...and talking...and talking *yawns*..and so on!...If it was some hot chick! i wouldn't mine though haha! Alright losing myself abit there..! :P..Having to sit down and listen doesn't help especially for us jocks! no offense nerds! :)...Schools gotta to realise that talking doesn't help! it makes things less uneasy! Waking up in the morning is already an Effort! don't make it tougher on us!..We hate sleeping in class(Well actually we do)...But Don't you teachers hate us sleeping like.errrmmm...Just look up! :D

So if you want us to look this:





AND NOT LIKE THIS!!!:



THEN LISTEN UP CAUSE I THINK I GOT A SOLUTION! I HAD ENOUGH OF LISTENING TO YOU ALL! TIME FOR YOU TEACHERS TO LISTEN TO US! XDDD!


Well Kind hearted government! Please listen to us!

'IT' Is the answer! :DDDD



ALRIGHT NOT THAT COMPLICATED THOUGH!...but yeah IT!!! The future of the world!!!


Well yeah~! Imagine how easy it would be without us Having to use our precious little hands to write till our hands bleed!!!(Alright not that bad)...And teachers also will benefit!..They don't have to talk haha! They can use all mouth Energy for something else!(Alright you little kids,stop thinking other way around)...Anyway yeah! it would be such a great investment from the goverment! Kids won't be that lazy as they used to be! Teachers will have more energy to do better things! AND ALL OF US WILL BE HAPPY! A WIN WIN SITUATION EH? Yeah i know!..So please make a change and we will change out ways...i think :)...What do you think? XD


Like what one great person said 'the world is revolved around IT,Not talking'...Alright that was made up! Anyhow! it's still the same! IT FOR THE FUTURE!..Think of the kids! *pity face*..Don't want them going out in the future with paper and pencil eh? =)

First day of High school!...With girls!

So,it's the first day of highschool...In A co ED School! Can it get any better? :D...Wowie! Time for the ladies! Getting thier numbers,Making flirty faces at them..Oh yeah! Good days!..But,Like most of us guys...We tend to get nervous And kinda do stupid tricks around them...Trust me! i Know the feeling(When through it before ;D )...

Alright this how it started..So it was the first day of high School for me(OBVIOUSLY!)..And six years in an ALL BOYS SCHOOL!...Really did make me lose my touch with the female gender *blush*,So..As what most of us dumbos would do..We would act way out of our ownself..i remember i used to be a jock which equals to Tough build! But those hot young chicks..i don't know what they Have with them! But they kinda like hypnotist me! I started to act soft! Which kinda post a few questions mark on my manliness! :O

And so i Countinued with this way!~ And nope! It didn't work! I got considered a softy! No guys like to be called a softy!...only certain guys -i'm not saying names-...And yeah! with god's will! I finally realise those female twirps waren't really that special! :D...They Are worst then boys *hate to say it*...But the girls here really control the boys! Wow! it's incredible!..If i could only control them...hmmm...Alright too much imaginative now! So i'm telling you Guys out there! Be yourself! girls are not god or something! thier same as us!!! :DDD..So go out grab a girl and smooch her right now! ;)...

Hope you all would like to share you stories! :D